The “Dubai mum” summer triathlon
A month or so ago, we saw a unique triathlon in Dubai – named the Desert Triathlon, it consisted of cycling 25kms, running 5kms and then riding a horse 25kms through the desert, as opposed to the usual disciplines of cycling, running and swimming.
It was a huge success but, despite being able to do a million things, it’s not every woman who can run and cycle and competently ride a horse so it’s with that in mind that I feel I should propose a triathlon especially for the mums of Dubai.
Only we know how much we can endure.
My triathlon for Dubai mums will run as follows:
Mental endurance: Drive 25kms on Sheikh Mohammed bin Zayed Road boxed in between a taxi doing 132kph in front of you and a white minivan doing 142kph behind you. Try not to get killed.
Stamina: Walk 227 steps through to the school building. This must be done at precisely 2.15pm, as the temperature hits 42.5C and the humidity is between 80 and 90%. Pause for five minutes in the cool air to let your heart rate return to baseline before you pick up a lunch box, a book bag and a PE kit bag weighing a combined total of 6kgs, then lead a small, whinging child through a 1,200-strong crowd, in the heat, to a playground where you will identify a child from another 300 on offer, all wearing the same clothes (please note this walk is undertaken in pigeon steps as the child is small, tired and often crying).
Wave to a random teacher, secure the second child, take on another 10kgs in bags using shoulders, arms and hands to carry your five bags with a combined weight of 16kgs, then lead the two children 650 slow steps in the 42.5C heat to the car (remember to wear an outfit that covers you adequately as per school policy – no shorts, no strappy tops, full limb coverage preferred – expiration through heart failure “not our problem”).
Physical endurance: Open the car doors and put the children and bags inside. Secure the children’s seatbelts while trying not to get scalded from touching the body of the car. Just as you’re about to sit down, go back to the boot and extract water bottles from various bags. Turn on the engine and wait for the a/c to chill the car from the 65-70C it is inside to a more bearable 40C. Nil points for clothing that sticks to the seat with sweat, nor for hands that blister on the steering wheel.
And now for the unique selling point of my triathlon: repeat, daily, until the end of June. Those still standing on June 26 are the winners.