My day as a mum
Eat your breakfast!
Stop that! Don’t play with it! Eat it!
It’s not a toy! It’s food!
Is it so difficult to eat your breakfast?
Really? Is it that difficult? All I ask you to do in the morning is eat breakfast, put on your clothes and clean your teeth. Why can’t you do that?
Get dressed! Yes – clothes!
Clean your teeth! Properly!
Wait, wait, wait; let me wipe your mouth.
Now, come on! Get in the car!
Stop messing about. Get in the car!
Bye darlings. Have a good day! Mwa! Mwa!
Hello gorgeouses. I missed you. How was your day?
Yes you can have a snack. No, not that. Not that. No!
No, a snack not a treat. Apple, yoghurt, carrots. No! Not that. I said not that! Put it back! Come back here!
Stop fighting! Stop it! She’s your sister! Don’t hit her!
It’s tuna pasta. You like it. Yes, you have eaten it before.
You have! And you like it! You love it! Now eat it! It’s tuna. You love it. No, it’s not mushrooms.
There’s nothing in it that you don’t like! You like it all! There’s no reason why you would not like this.
Eat your dinner. Seriously, children. Just eat your dinner! You can watch TV after dinner. But first eat your dinner. How many times have I said eat your dinner? How difficult is it to put the food in your mouth and chew? Seriously? Eat it!
It’s not playtime, it’s dinner time. Sit back down. Sit down!
Listen, you won’t grow big and strong if you don’t eat! Just put it in your mouth and chew!
Come on, bathtime.
Children! Now! Bath!
Bath’s getting cold! Come on!
Time to get out. Come on.
Get out of the bath. Just let the water out and stand up.
Come on. Just get out! NOW! I’m waiting!
Right, teeth and bed. Yes, okay, a story. But just one.
No, that one’s too long. Well, because you spent so long getting out of the bath.
No, not two. Because it’s late! It’s past your bedtime now!
Just one story. Come on, choose it. Stop messing about, just choose a book.
Okay, right, I’ll make up a story. Get into bed. Ready? ‘Once upon a time there was a mother whose children never did what she asked. She asked nicely and they still ignored her. She asked nicely again and again and then she started to shout. Over time she started to feel like she was the shouty mummy. And it made her very sad because she isn’t a shouty person at all and she just wishes her children would do what they’re asked when she asks nicely. The End. Now, go to sleep.’
Yes, sleep. Lie down. Lie down! Just lie down in your bed and shut your eyes!
Good night, darlings! See you tomorrow! Mwa mwa!
Where’s the wine?