My posh Sat Nav
True, the Sat Nav chap does have a plummy English accent, but what amuses me most about him is how he really, really dislikes letting me drive through the industrial area of Al Quoz.
I really appreciate his concern (a woman alone amongst all those labour camps – gasp!), but what he doesn’t know is that I know Dubai a lot better than he does. He’s only four years old, for goodness’ sake. I accept that the most direct route from the Ranches to the Audi dealer as the falcon flies may well be down Umm Suquiem St and right onto Sheikh Zayed Rd, but what Sat Nav guy doesn’t understand is that Dubai just won the Expo, there’s double-layer roadworks on Umm Suqueim St, and the West-East traffic’s always at a standstill.
So I drive up Al Khail Rd, take a left onto that road whose name I never remember and sneak like a stealth rocket through Al Quoz sandwiched between speeding cement mixers. It takes half the time.
But Mr Sat Nav doesn’t like that. He starts politely, as I turn off Umm Suqueim St and point the nose of the car defiantly up Al Khail Rd: “Take the right exit in 100 metres and do a U-turn,” he states. He’s not anticipating an argument.
After some time it becomes apparent that I’ve ignored him and done a left.
“Complete a U-turn!” says Mr Sat Nav.
“Chill out,” I tell him. “I’m going to show you a new way.”
But no. “Complete a U-turn NOW!” [“What’s wrong with you women drivers,” I imagine him saying. “Can’t you listen to instructions?”].
“Shh,” I tell him. “We’re going this way. Just remind me of the little wiggle I have to do in a minute to get you to your alma mater; I forget which lights it’s at. Come on, get with the programme. We’re going THIS way.”
“I don’t know this way!” he shouts back at me. “Al Quoz is for industrial traffic not ladies in Audis! Get ye back to Sheikh Zayed Road! Make a U-turn! Do it NOW NOW NOW!”
I just wonder if the Toyota Sat Nav is the same, or is this aversion to driving through Al Quoz just, like, a European-car thing?