Slow down: You’re entering the Cappuccino Zone
There are nine speed bumps between the local shop and my house. And I honestly wonder why they’re there given how slowly some of the post-school-run mums drive their child-free gas-guzzlers around my compound.
Some days, hedgehogs could outrun them.
But, today, as I returned, cautiously, from a very rare visit to Costa Coffee, it finally hit me why everyone drives so slowly around the compound between about 8 and 8.30am.
It’s got absolutely nothing to do with avoiding kids playing on the streets (they’re all at school) – oh no, the snail-pace driving is all about the low-fat latte or the skinny cappuccino that Knackered Mum, who’s been up and running since stupid o’clock, balances in the car as she bounces gingerly over the (rather vicious) speed bumps.
A cappuccino-approved speed, I’ve learned from following too many of these chariots, can be up to 40kph between speed bumps, but then there has to be a complete halt before each bump is tackled in the manner of an old Labrador with dickey hips jumping a 5’ horse jump.
Anything faster, it would appear, and the cappuccino slops over.
But don’t the coffee mums ever look in the mirror, I wonder? If the car doing 60kph behind rammed them mid-bump, I doubt there’d be any coffee left at all.