“Excuse me, but your villa does not exist”
While I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been told that my villa doesn’t exist, it never ceases to surprise me. I mean, these people say it like they truly believe what they’re saying, while I’m actually standing in my villa, looking out of the window and talking to them on the phone.
It’s as if they expect me to say, “Oh yes, you’re absolutely right! Fancy that! I didn’t notice that my villa just spontaneously combusted!”
Some are contractors and workmen, but most of them are Dubizzlers, to be fair. And, much as I love a good Dubizzle deal, it is a website that seems to attract a high number of numpties.
Take the one who drove all the way from Abu Dhabi to my house in Dubai to view some rather nice pieces of furniture I was selling. After getting almost all the way to my community (I know this because I talked to him multiple times as he reported his progress), he took a wrong turn, ended up back outside the community gate so he decided to drive all the way back to Abu Dhabi instead.
Then there are those who drive along the wrong street looking for my villa and then tell me, “But there is no number 36,” to which I always want to reply, “Oh my! You’re right! I’ve been living in an imaginary villa for the past six years!”
And today I had a classic that I’ve never had before.
“We’re in your street, but there’s no 36.”
“If you’re in the right street, 36 will be there.” [I know it does because I’m standing in it!]
“It’s definitely the right street, but I’m telling you, there’s no 36.There’s 33, 35 and 37, but no 36.”
Um, how to say this politely? Look on the other side of the road, love.