Peppa Pig World – oh yes!
Yes, there is such a place. And never, in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would ever plan an entire week’s holiday around a visit to a place designed around a fictitious animated pig.
But child-rearing, it turns your brain mushy until one day there’s a part of you – a sane 40-year-old woman who likes nice handbags – who wakes up one morning in your lovely stylish home and says, “You know what? I think we’ll rent a cottage in the New Forest and visit Peppa Pig World. What d’you think, kids, snort-snort?”
And so we found ourselves crammed into a tiny little quaint cottage in the heart of the New Forest, trying hard not to bash our brains out on the medieval midget doorways, poring over theme park plans and plotting our trip to Paulton’s Park, home of PP World.
Stop sniggering at the back.
I have to say, it was very well done. Despite the crowds of panicky mums hot-footing it to the turnstyles to enter the theme park at 10am, we got in very quickly, “only” about £100 lighter, and frog-marched our way past all the other attractions to the pink land of Peppa-La-Pig.
You couldn’t miss it.
Not only was Peppa herself spinning around at the top of a 50-foot pole, but the theme tune (Ba, ba-ba, ba ba; ba-ba ba-ba ba ba) piped loudly and repeatedly out from behind every fake bush until you did actually want to impale Peppa on a skewer and shove her on the BBQ (or maybe that was just me).
The rides looked great. I can only say “looked” because we didn’t actually go on any. Faced with queues of up to an hour to go on a ride that lasted just 30 seconds, I had a word in DD’s ear, promising the joys of a real rollercoaster if she could tear herself away from the idea of Peppa’s Balloon Ride, Grandpa’s Little Train, or Daddy’s Big Red Car.
“We could queue here all morning and go on one ride,” I pleaded, “or outside PP World, we could go on the train ride, on the rollercoaster, on the Viking boat ride and on the tractors all before lunch. After lunch you could go on the flume ride, drive a digger, go on the magic carpet ride, the ladybird ride, the bunny cars and the UFO ride. What do you think?”
“And then you could have an ice cream? We’d have time for that…”
“Okay Mummy Pig,” she said.