Dubai's Desperate Housewife

Trials and traumas of a full-time mum in Dubai

Why Are People So Rude To Mums?

with one comment

There’s something about having children – or in fact even just being pregnant – that makes other people think it’s okay to say rude things to you.

Do strangers in Spinneys have a right to know how your kids were conceived?

When you’re pregnant, your bump is too big, too small or not showing at all (‘are you sure you got your dates right?’); or you’re so big you must have gestational diabetes, be carrying twins, or just like too many doughnuts (the insinuation is there, behind the raised eyebrows, when you say you’re only 16 weeks not nine months).

It’s good training for when the baby’s born. Then, everyone from the lady at the till in Spinneys to the woman behind you in the ATM queue knows what’s wrong with your baby: it’s too big, too small, it’s tired, hungry, it’s missing its daddy, needs a pacifier. They know that; it’s just you who doesn’t.

(I used to say, ‘Maybe he just doesn’t like you.’)

Once you’re married, if there’s a gap before you have kids, people whisper about ‘problems’. Once you’ve had one baby, if there’s a gap of more than two years before the next, there are outright questions about ‘problems’, perhaps the theory being that, once you’ve had your waters broken with a crochet hook and have pooed in front of 15 doctors, the odd question about your reproductive health from a complete stranger isn’t too big a thing.

Anyway today I was chatting with my friend who’s the mother of one-year-old twins. Having twins definitely more than doubles the stupid questions and rude comments you get from others. She’s often asked if they’re twins (‘No, they’re just two babies the same age’) but the question that really gets her goat is:

 ‘Do twins run in your family?’

When she says no, some politely stop the questions, whereas others launch straight in with, ‘Clomid or IVF?’

 ‘It’s not like I ask them how their baby was conceived, is it?’ says my friend.

She’s now decided that the next time someone asks her that, she’s going to say, ‘Yes, IVF. And what about yours? Drunken fumble, duty shag or a one-night-stand with your tennis coach?’


Written by mrsdubai

March 4, 2010 at 5:46 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , ,

One Response

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  1. My favourite part is when people, who aren’t parents themselves and who have absolutely no maternal/paternal instinct, think their unsolicited advice should be taken seriously. I’m no parent either but you know when you gotta shut up!


    March 5, 2010 at 8:03 pm

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