What do you think about when you can’t sleep?

I get insomnia because I can’t stop thinking. Or, if I wake up at night and my brain realises it could get in some bonus thinking time, it goes full-speed ahead. But what exactly do you think about in the middle of the night?

Here’s a sample of what goes through my mind:

-          Oh god, Twitter has a private message function and I’ve never checked my inbox. What if someone’s messaged me?

-          Should I go back to work?

-          A salary would be nice. What would I do with a salary? Mmm…

-          Thank god I never bought that Jimmy Choo bag. I really don’t like it now.

-          Can we squeeze in another holiday before autumn? Mauritius would be good.

-          Ooh, I must check out that villa in Koh Samui so-and-so was telling me about.

-          What if the Twitter messages were important?

-          Should we try and buy a bigger house? Or would the mortgage plus the upkeep be too crippling?

-          I wonder if my car’ll be fixed by school pick-up tomorrow.

-          As I’m not sleeping, should I check Twitter now? Or would it wake me up more? I could do it on my BlackBerry. But that’s downstairs.

-          How am I going to get three children in the Yaris if my car’s not fixed?

-          If I put one on a booster would it be okay in the front? Or not?

-          Should I have some camomile tea? Or decaf coffee and whisky? Water? Should I get up and walk about for a bit?

-          I’ve got some good magazines. Should I read for a bit?

-          Let’s try counting sheep. 1-2-3. No. Counting backwards. 100-99-98-97. God this is boring.

-          Let’s try some yoga breathing. In-out-in-out-in-out. Was it in through the nose and out through the mouth or the other way round? Does it matter?

-          Shit, I feel bad I haven’t done any yoga. I even paid for the classes upfront. And that yoga mat. And those harem pants.

-          Would pilates be any better? I don’t really understand what they do with those machines.

-          Would I look great if I did pilates?

-          How am I going to keep my weight down in England this summer? I won’t be exercising and I’m bound to drink at lunchtimes.

-          Should I work tomorrow, or take DS to a play area as there’s no nursery?

-          If I take DS out, when will I get my work done? What if I need to pick up the car, too?

-          Why do I never find time to write my book? It’s never going to be published if I don’t write it.

-          Why am I so lazy? Was I always like this?

-          Am I ever going to get to sleep? If I get to sleep now, I might get four hours. That’s okay, I can get by on four hours.

-          Three hours.

-          Oh GOD just go to sleep! In-out-in-out. Let’s try meditation. Hung-saaah-hung-saaah. Or was it haar-sung? It’s been six years since I did that meditation course. Wow, that was a nice holiday in Thailand.

-          Oh yes, I must look up that villa in Koh Samui.

-          I wonder if we can squeeze in a holiday at autumn half term. Must tell DH the dates. Maybe Thailand?

-          Or is the time difference too difficult for DS? I’m such a wimp. Mauritius?

-          Maybe we could look at property in Mauritius while we were there.

-          But it’s an 8-hour flight.

-          One and a half hours. But I probably got two hours before I woke up, so if I got to sleep now, I’d have had three and a half hours. At least I’m not drunk so I won’t have a hang-over. I’ll feel better than I did when I used to stay out partying.

-          Maybe I can get a quick nap before the school run. I’ll be fine. Really. I’ll just pretend I’m fine and have an extra coffee today.

-          Was that a bird? No! It can’t be. Shit, it’s getting light. Oh god, the alarm’s going off in 45 minutes.