Introducing my new PA

The Easter holidays have taken an unexpected turn as DD – who usually tries to spend any school holiday glued to the TV – has taken to fighting me for use of the computer. Any second that I leave it unattended results in wails of, “Please can I go on your computer?” and sometimes, for a quiet life, I agree.

The more I think about it, the more I think it'll work. DD does my work while I lie in the sun...

I log her on to CBeebies, the Barbie website and friv.com, where she particularly enjoys grooming an e-puppy and e-dressing a virtual doll in various fashion outfits. I also log her onto some educational games websites, but those don’t seem as popular.

Anyway, as you can imagine, having work deadlines of my own to achieve, it can be quite frustrating having her battling for time on my computer. But then I try to look on the bright side: Within a couple of years, she should be good enough to spend the school holidays working as my PA, replying to all my pesky emails, dealing with the maintenance company, researching activities for the school holidays, finding the best deal on holidays and flights, and locating a beautiful cottage for the summer.

Maybe a laptop’s not such a bad idea after all. I can see it now: The Dubai’s Desperate Housewife Secretarial School for Infants.

What age for the first laptop?

No sooner are we through DS’s birthday than DD’s looms (clearly I’m at my most fertile around July). I feel like a marathon runner picking myself up off the floor at the finish line of DS’s party, ready to run a 10k for DD.

Thankfully this year she’s being really reasonable.

“What would you like for your party?” I asked nervously, expecting a reply that involved 65 sugar-crazed six-year-olds, six stretch limousines, a beauty salon, a cinema and some pseudo-suede white lounge furniture at the Polo Club.

“Can I have just five friends over for pizza and swimming?” she asked. “And a heart-shaped cake?”

I could have kissed her feet. I couldn’t say yes fast enough.

So then we got onto presents.

 “I just want you to know that I want a laptop more than anything in the world,” she’d told me surreptitiously a few weeks ago. “My birthday’s coming and… I just wanted you to know that’s what I want SO BADLY.”

Not this year, not on my nelly!

 

There followed a tense discussion with DH (during the ads of “MasterChef Australia” – how wrong was it that Philip lost the elimination round?) about the purchase of a laptop for DD: On the plus side, it’s educational and she’s chosen ICT as her extra-curriculum activity. On the negative side, she’s only six. SIX! And we have three computers in the house. What to do?

“Shall we get her one?” asked DH warily. And I just didn’t know what to say. It seems awfully young.

Anyway, as any good mum knows how to, I let the subject stall for a week or two, then went back to the present conversation.

“What would you like?” I asked, casually the other day, wondering if she’d forgotten the laptop.

“Stickers,” she said. “And a toy iron.”

I stifled a snort of laughter. It’s not like she’s ever seen me ironing.

“Anything bigger?” I asked. “You know, like a main present?”

“Aw mummy,” she said. “I’ve got everything I want. I’ve got a bike, a doll’s house, a play kitchen and a play house. All I want is stickers.”

The laptop? It waits another year.